This is where comedic material will go. The gift of humor is a wonderful treasure. People will also be able to volunteer to do live stand up comedy over the internet. Think you're funnier than Groucho? Show us!
Here's some stand up comedy to get you started:
I'm from New York City, great place, lots of problems though. One is that everyone has a car, but only half of them actually know how to drive. And I may be being generous there. Here's one example:
If you've ever tried to cross a street in New York City, you've probably noticed this. You have the right of way, but if someone's trying to make a turn, they don't stop, they creep forward, ve-e-r--y slooo-owly. I wonder what the philosophy is behind that exactly, "I'll save five eighths of a second off of my drive home" or something like that. To me it's a way of saying "I'm running you over vve-e-r--y slooo-owly." I wonder if they test for that at the DMV.
Television, there's something else evil to talk about. Have you seen this McDonalds commercial where this woman takes her daughter to that alleged "restaurant" and says something like "It's not what goes on her tummy, but what goes in her tummy that counts." I know McDonalds has some healthful choices, but the kid's menu items are not so great. That's a terrible commercial since it sends the message that the child menu items are healthful when they're not. Anyway, I've made a picture in honor of that commercial. Want to see it? Okay, look to the right and down a bit.
Thank you everybody. Good comedy is always dangerous and good danger is always comedic. For instance, I have a drinking problem but with a twist: I want to drink, and I can't. Not a drop. Most people have a drinking problem, I have a no drinking problem. And when something you love is taken away like that, the only thing I can do is . . . complain a lot. Which is what I'm doing right now.
Here's a joke for you. President Bush.
Ok ok, here's a real joke. An octopus walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the f**k is there an octopus in the bar, what, is there a Whalers game going on in here?" And then President Bush heard there were weapons of mass destruction inside the octopus and he had to invade it.
Hey, did you guys ever watch Sesame Street? You know, that show with the puppets and numbers and everything? Wasn't that a wonderful show? I think so.
Hey, how about the gay people. Everybody's worked up about the gay people. "Oh, those gay people are ruining the world oh my goodness we have to do something about the gay people." Those people must feel very conflicted when they go to church.
You know what I really hate? Of course not, how could you?
How about porn. Anyone here like porn? I don't get this porn stuff, someone explain this to me. First, there's all these people who get paid to have sex. Then they film it and people pay to watch the film and maybe pleasure themselves. Did I miss something here? This is harder to figure out than Enron.
And it's not enough for the people to be having sex, oh no. That's too boring. They have to be having sex with seventeen people in 30 different positions and 500 different angles and upside down and all this craziness all so somebody can say "Hm, there's a new one." Let me tell you, after some of the nonsense they put into those movies, you start to wonder, what's the next part of our lives that will be consumed by the technological beast? First the television and video games destroyed leisure time, porn destroyed our sex lives, the telephone and then the cell phone destroyed our privacy, what's next? I don't even want to know. Don't worry, someone's busy working on it right now.
And how about gambling? What's the deal with gambling? If people are so eager to lose money, they should invest in those painted color quarter sets on tv instead. At least the quarters are worth twenty five cents.
I'm Hrodulf, and I approved this message. Goodnight everybody!
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